Introduction, Copyright © 2000 by Gerry Armstrong:
Omar first called these writings Hubbard's "Affirmations." Later,
after it dawned on him that Hubbard was a stupendous liar, Omar said
he was correcting himself, and thereafter called the writings the
"Admissions." I believe that Omar was right, and that these writings
are "Affirmations," but more importantly, "Admissions."
I will not now provide anything really of my own analysis or
conclusions about Hubbard's Admissions, because I want every
Scientologist or wog® who reads them to be free, or with negligible
influence, to think about them for himself. I will comment below, for
legal reasons, on *why* I am posting the Admissions. I have my own
experiences, naturally, with these writings, I have drawn my own
conclusions about them, and I expect I will participate in a
discussion or two they may generate.
I don't know who in this recent period sent me the copy from which I
typed that follows. In any event I would not divulge the identity of
the person because of the clear and senseless threat of attack from
the people who now run Scientology®. It is sufficient for legal
purposes to state that the copy I received was not made by me. By the
time the Admissions are posted to the internet, I will have, pursuant
to the wishes of the person who made it, destroyed the copy I
received.
I will also immediately wipe the Admissions from my hard drive. Thus
the people who run Scientology® will have less reason or justification
to raid me or break into my house or computer than they have to raid
or break into the house or computer of a million other people.
The Admissions I received are not complete. Perhaps when the kind
person who sent me the copy sees they have been posted he will send
the rest of the writings. My recollection is that the remainder of
the Admissions do not diverge from the substance, direction or tone of
what I'm posting here. Included in the remainder is, I think, a
deeper delve into Hubbard's sexual anxieties or aberrations, following
the same vein he mined in the part I received. What I received, for
example, doesn't include Hubbard's startling admission:
"It doesn't give me displeasure to hear of a virgin being raped. The
lot of women is to be fornicated."
I am posting the Admissions for all of the reasons stated in my
declaration of January 26, 1997, specifically in paragraphs 57 - 65,
which I recently posted to the newsgroup alt.religion.scientology
In that declaration I provided my expert opinion that the exposing or
dissemination of Scientology's® "sacred scriptures," which exposure or
dissemination the organization prohibits, suppresses and punishes by
commercial, secular copyright and trademark law and millions upon
millions of simoleons to lawyer scumbags, is justified by the greater
principle of religious freedom: I stated that publication of
Scientology's® "secret scriptures" is in my opinion Constitutionally
protected religious expression.
Hubbard's Admissions are quite obviously a part of Scientology's®
"scriptures." On the holiness scale ®, they are holier than the
holiest of the Advanced Technology scriptures, because the people who
run Scientology® won't show them to Scientologists even if they have a
half million dollars to pay and agree to the organization implant.
Although the Admissions are the holiest of Scientology's® scriptures,
the Miscavige regime withholds them for the identical commercial,
secular, base and criminal reasons they withhold the "OT" "Levels,"
the "NOT$," and the whereabouts of Xenu's mountain cave.
Scientology® has set no prerequisites or punishments that I'm aware of
for Scientologists reading Hubbard's Admissions, and for that at least
I'm grateful. I believe that the Admissions should be read by every
Scientologist at whatever point they find themselves on the bridge.
Scientologists won't get pneumonia. They might have some good
cognitions.® They might become free.
The Admissions were very important to me in my getting free of the web
of lies Hubbard and Scientology® had spun, and getting free of their
domination and suppression. I am posting these writings now with the
prayer that they help to free other Scientologists from Hubbard's and
Miscavige's lies, domination and suppression. If Hubbard has been
humbled and regained his willfully lost humanity, I know he too would
want every Scientologist to read all his Admissions.
Obviously I don't have any desire to profit monetarily by posting
Hubbard's unpublished Admissions. My desire is that these writings
help everyone, Scientologist and wog®, to make informed and better
choices about L. Ron Hubbard and Scientology.® I was not freed by
being a Scientologist, doing Scientology®, and having all the
experiences, cognitions and trappings of Scientology®. I was freed by
reading what Scientologists don't get to read, by being what no
Scientologist would be, a wog®, by doing what no Scientologist would
do, and having my own experiences, cognitions and stuff. I share
Hubbard's Admissions with everyone because God Who created knowledge
does not want anyone to be kept ignorant.
I stated in the Jan 26, 1997 declaration that the people Scientology®
identified as violating the organization's copyrights and sued - Grady
Ward, Lawrence Wollersheim, Keith Henson, Dennis Erlich, Arnie Lerma,
Bob Penny -- were in general agreement that Scientology® is not a
sincere, and hence real, religion, but is a criminal cult engaged in
harmful practices. I also stated that if these people are correct in
their assessment, and if they did expose or publish Scientology®'s
"secret" documents, they were and are completely justified in having
done so.
Repeating what I wrote in the Jan 26, 1997 declaration, "In my
opinion this kind of expression is an expected, logical response to
Scientology®'s efforts to corrupt the meaning of religion in order to
'sanctify' its antisocial and dangerous mind set and criminal
activities. It is expression which cannot legally be prohibited or
punished by judicial process." I agree completely that Scientology®,
that is, Scientology® as directed by David Miscavige and his regime, is
not a sincere, real religion, but a criminal cult engaged in harmful
practices.
I could, quite clearly, have posted the Admissions anonymously. I
gave it serious consideration, because while I believe these writings,
for the peace and health and spirit of so many people, should be
posted immediately, I wanted to do what be effective and not the
stupid end of martyrdom. I decided against anonymity, however, for a
number of reasons. I believe that by U.$., Canadian and international
law, and common sense, I am permitted to publish these writings
openly. I believe that by common decency, by human and civil rights
codes, by being a Prophet to Scientologists (PtS), and by God Himself,
I am urged, in fact directed, to post these writings and post them
openly.
I am also posting the Admissions openly to confirm their authenticity.
The copy I received was not clear in places, and it is now gone. All
words, spellings, punctuation and notations are Hubbard's, except for
brackets [] which are mine. I pray that DM makes the complete
original of the Admissions available for Scientologists around the
world. Indeed I pray that he reveals every hidden piece of Hubbard's
writings, and yes, even his own secret documents, to all
Scientologists and interested wogs®. Robert Vaughn Young and Stacy
Brooks at least have read the Admissions and will be able to confirm
that what follows here is, within reasonable parameters, authentic. I
was very careful, but if there are any errors at all in what I have
posted of the Hubbard Admissions, I urge DM to have them corrected.
Posting the Admissions, I believe, lessens the threat of harm or
murder to silence me, but it ups the revenge factor ®. The person who
sent me the copy emphatically doesn't want any trouble. Good Lord, I
don't want any trouble, and I'm the guy who typed this copy and will
now post it using my own name to a.r.s. The person who sent the copy
certainly knew that I would recognize the writings and I'd like to
think wanted me to do with them what I've done and what the person was
in no position to do. I have not shown what I'm posting to anyone, but
I will now email it to certain people when I post it.
I am aware that DM will almost certainly attack me. To justify his and
Scientology®'s continuing attack, as Hubbard did for his continuing
attacks while he lived, they made attack their organizational policy
of choice, or scripture of choice I suppose I should say.
Nevertheless, perhaps this is a good time for Miscavige to learn that
non-attack is the best policy.
I really think the Scientologists would be silly to sue me. Then
again I've thought they're silly for years and years and that hasn't
deterred them. But perhaps in this instance they can learn to not do
another silly thing. I'm giving Scientology® and Scientologists
another golden opportunity to stop being silly. It's God actually Who
gives everyone opportunities to stop being silly. I'm but a simple
messenger, with staggering inabilities, and at times admittedly silly.
Miscavige's Scientology® is willfully silly. Suppression is no
accident, it is willful. I am but a prophet who brings Scientologists
opportunities to be healed of their willfulness, silliness and
suppression.
I am aware that the posting of the Admissions makes a godsent legal
test case. If I am guided by God, what I have done not being unsafe
or immoral, my post is protected expression because it cannot be
denied. Without including God, it is clear that Scientology®,
Scientologists and their agents (for there are wogs® who are
Scientology®'s agents) are themselves responsible for my actions. What
they have done to silence me, to 8-C my body from place to place, to
invalidate me, to black PR me, to threaten me, to destroy me, has
either been a source of my state of mind, and hence my actions, or God
has. (I think it can be agreed that the mind directs actions, rather
than actions directing the mind.)
If God is directing my actions, how could I do anything else? If DM
and his Scientology® organization have affected my mind, they bear
responsibility for the act about which they might complain. In truth
both things are true. God is in control, and DM and Scientology® have
unclean hands. It is observable throughout history that God sends
prophets, and even the unprophetable, to deal with tyrants and regimes
whose hands are unclean.
A case can be made that my posting Hubbard's Admissions is a fair and
appropriate response to DM's dissemination and internet posting of my
writing known as the "pig dream." Obviously I held the copyright to
that unpublished work. The pig dream was a glimpse in an extremely
literary form into the mind of Gerry Armstrong. The Admissions are a
glimpse in a different literary form into the mind of L. Ron Hubbard.
I certainly don't argue that Hubbard's Admissions are no more
important or vital than my pig dream. There is, after all, nobody
paying huge sums of money and spending their lives working for
Armstrongology. On the other hand, Hubbard's dead. DM had his agents
post the pig dream to hurt me. I'm posting Hubbard's Admissions to set
Scientologists free. I'll copyright my portion of this post, and
hereby give my permission for it to be copied and distributed.
For fair use purposes, the context for the post containing
the Admissions is the global controversy about Hubbard, about
Scientology®'s antecedents, about Hubbard's psyche, his honesty or
dishonesty, his mental technology, "Excalibur," his promises, his
aims, his history, his theology, his hypnotism, his navy record, his
non-navy record, and other clearly controversial Hubbard-connected
conumdrums. The context is the controversy we see every day on a.r.s.
and in media around the world.
The period when Hubbard made these Admissions involved John W.
Parsons, Sara Northrup, his family, [black] magick, his "development" of
"Dianetics®" leading to the publication of the book that would make him
famous and lead on to Scientology®. Funnily, Hubbard and Scientology®
claim that he was a "Special Officer" for the LAPD in this period and
that he was working for the USA Navy to break up the Parsons "black
magic ring." There is a VA record showing that around the time of the
Admissions Hubbard sought psychiatric help.
Just one last thought, which I'll repeat from my Jan 26, 1997
declaration, and which I pray that DM and his Scientologists take to
heart. Although man may attempt to keep God out of his other realms,
he surely cannot keep God out of religion, because in this world it is
His Realm. That's sort of the message every prophet brings.
I hope Hubbard's Admissions are a blessing and a help to all.
© 2000 Gerry Armstrong
THE ADMISSIONS OF L. RON HUBBARD
[Quoting L. Ron Hubbard from here on down.]
Course I
The purpose of this experiment is to re-establish the
ambition, willpower, desire to survive, the talent and confidence of
myself.
To accomplish the above the following fears must be removed
Fear that I have written myself out by writing junk. I built certain
psychoses in myself while living with my former wife as a means to
protect my writing. I affirmed that my writing was hard work and took
much labor. This was a lie. I was always anxious about people's
opinion of me and was afraid I would bore them. This injected anxiety
and careless speed into my work. I must be convinced that I can write
skillfully and well, that I have no phobias about writing and no fears
of it. People criticized my work bitterly at times. I must be
convinced that such people were fools. I must be convinced that I can
write far better than ever before, that a million people at least
would be happy to see my stories. I must be convinced that I have
succeeded in writing and with ease will regain my popularity, which
actually was not small. I must also be convinced that I dictate
stories to a dictaphone with ease.
I must be told that my memory is strong and reliable, that I can
remember all I have ever read or studied, that no illness or medicine
has affected mind or memory.
(b) My service record was not too glorious. I must be convinced that I
suffer no reaction from any minor disciplinary action, that all such
were minor. My service was honorable, my initiative and ability high.
I have nothing to fear from friends about my service. I can forget
such things as Admiral Braystead. Such people are unworthy of my
notice.
(c) I can have no doubts of my psychic powers. My magical ability is
high and clear. I earned my titles and command.
(d) Any distaste I may have for Jack Parsons originated in a psychic
experiment. Such distaste is foolish. He is my friend and
comrade-in-arms.
(e) Sexual feeling has been depressed by several things amounting to a
major impasse. To cure ulcers of the stomach I was given testosterone
and stilbesterol. These reduced my libido to nothing. While taking
these drugs I fell in love with Sara. She can be most exciting
sexually to me. Because of drugs as above and a hangover from my
ex-wife Polly, I sometimes am unexcited by anything sexual. This
depresses me.
My wife left me while I was in a hospital with ulcers. Polly was quite
cruel. She was never a woman for me. She was under-sexed and had bad
sexual habits such as self-laceration done in private. She was no mate
for me and yet I retained much affection for her. It was a terrible
blow when she left me for I was ill and without prospects. I know, by
this, she actually wanted no more than my ability to support her. This
has had an effect of impotency upon me, has badly reduced my ego.
Polly was very bad for me sexually. Because of her coldness
physically, the falsity of her pretensions, I believed myself a near
eunuch between 1933 and 1936 or ? when I found I was attractive to
other women. I had many affairs. But my failure to please Polly made
me always pay so much attention to my momentary mate that I derived
small pleasure myself. This was an anxiety neurosis which cut down my
natural powers.
In 1938-39 I met a girl in New York, Helen, who pleased me very much
physically. I loved her and she me. The affair would have lasted had
not Polly found out. Polly made things so miserable that I finally
detested her and became detested by Helen, who two-timed me on my
return to New York in 1941. This also reduced my libido. I have had
Helen since but no longer want her. She does not excite me and I do
not love her.
In 1942 - December 17th or thereabouts - while training in Miami,
Florida, I met a girl named Ginger who excited me. She was a very
loose person but pretended a great love for me. From her I received an
infection of gonnohorea (sp?). I was terrified by it, the consequences
of being discovered by my wife, the navy, my friends. I went to a
private doctor who treated me with sulfa-thiazole and so forth. I
thought I was cured but on a plane headed to Portland, Ore. I found I
was not. I took to dosing myself with sulfa in such quantities that I
was afraid I had affected my brain. My wife came to Portland. I took
what precautions I could. I think actually that the disease was
utterly cured very early. This fear further depressed my libido. My
wife disliked the act anyway, I believe, even after she had a
hysterectomy in 1938. (She was always terrified of childbirth but
conceived despite all precautions seven times in five years resulting
in five abortions and two children. I am quite fond of my children but
my wife always tried to convince me that I hated them.)
I carried this fear of the disease to sea with me. I was reprimanded
in San Diego in mid-43 for firing on the Mexican coast and was removed
from command of my ship. This on top of having sunk two Jap subs
without credit, the way my crew lied for me at the Court of Inquiry,
the insults of the High Command, all combined to put me in the
hospital with ulcers.
I returned to sea as navigator of a large ship and was subsequently
selected for the Military Government School at Princeton whither I
went in 1944-45 for three months. During my Princeton sojourn I was
very tired and harrassed (sp?) and spent week-ends with a writer
friend in Philadelphia. He almost forced me to sleep with his wife.
Meanwhile I had a affair with a woman named Ferne. Somehow, perhaps
because I had constantly wet feet and no sleep at Princeton, I
contracted a staphloceus infection. I mistook it for gonnhorea and
until I arrived at Monterey, believed my old illness had returned. I
consulted a doctor there who reassured me. This affair again depressed
my libido. The staphloceus infection has not entirely vanished,
appearing as rheumatism which only small doses of stilbestrol will
remove. The hormone further reduces my libido and I am nearly
impotent.
Sara, my sweetheart, is young, beautiful, desirable. We are very gay
companions. I please her physically until she weeps about any
separation. I want her always. But I am 13 years older than she. She
is heavily sexed. My libido is so low I hardly admire her naked.
I mean to be constant to her. I love her very much. But to live with
her I must regain my sexual powers, my stimulus.
I must cease to take hormones. I must rebuild my feeling of excitement
about things sexual.
I have a very bad masturbatory history. I was taught when I was 11
and, despite guilt, fear of insanity, etc. etc. I persisted. At a
physical examination at a Y when I was about 13, the examiner and the
people with him called me out of the line because my testicles hung
low and cautioned me about what would happen if I kept on
masturbating. This "discovery" was a bad shock to me.
I had to be so silent about it that now when a bedspring squeaks I
lose all libido. I eventually found out I would not be insane, or
injure myself but the scars remain.
Polly pretended a hollow passion which disgusted me. But I am
lingeringly fond of her even so. I am also nostalgic about Helen.
By eliminating certain fears by hypnosis, curing my rheumatism and
laying off hormones, I hope to restore my former libido. I must! By
hypnosis I must be convinced as follows:
(a) I can write. I need not think commercially about writing.
(b) My mind is still brilliant. My memory unaffected by drugs or
experience.
(c) That masturbation was no sin or crime and did not injure me. That
no sexual practice has ever dulled me.
(d) That things sexual thrill me. That I am now returned to the same
feelings I had at 16 about sex where excitement is concerned. That
naked women and pornography excite me greatly. That Sara excites me
greatly and gives me much pleasure.
(e) That I bear no physical aftermath of disease.
(f) That I do not need to have ulcers any more.
(g) That my eyes (which I used as an excuse to get out of school) are
perfect and do not pain me ever.
(h) That I love in Sara everything I loved in Polly or Helen and that
such love is now transferred to Sara.
(i) That I am fortunate in losing Polly and my parents, for they never
meant well by me.
(j) That I never need be jealous of Sara's past. That she loves me and
is utterly faithful. That she thrills me more than Helen ever did.
(k) That life is beautiful to me. That I want to live. That things
taste and smell and look and feel wonderful to me.
(l) That I wrote a great book in The One Command and that it removed
all my fears even until now, except that my chapters on the mind do
not affect my own mind. That I have will power and great mental
control. That I need not associate anything unless I wish.
(m) That I have only friendship for Jack Parsons.
(n) That I feel no wish for vengeance toward anyone. That I love
people and believe in honor and glory.
(o) That I believe in my gods and spiritual things.
(p) That nothing can halt my ambitions.
(q) That I need not believe the criticism of anyone. That vicious
criticism can be forgotten by me at will.
(r) That I tell the truth and must tell the truth. That all past
errors and lies are forgotten.
(s) That I have started a new, free life. That the arts and beauties
run strong in me and cannot be denied by anyone.
(t) That I am well and that there is no advantage in appearing ill.
(u) That my code is to be all things a "magus" must be, that I am
those things. That I burn high and bright and will last as a potent
and brilliant force until well after this century has run.
(v) That I am not credulous or absorbent of other people's opinions.
(w) That this hypnosis will not fade, but will increase in power as
time advances.
(x) That my magical work is powerful and effective.
(y) That nothing can tarnish my love of life, my hours, my love of
Sara. And I have the power of banishing anything which would seek to
do so and that all things will seem wonderful and exciting to me all
the rest of my days.
(y1) That the numbers 7, 25 and 16 are not unlucky or evil for me.
That no number is any different in its influence upon me than any
other number. That the 7th, 16th and 25th are not unlucky or
unfortunate days of the month for me. I have no bad connotations with
these numbers.
(z) That I need not subscribe to any moral code of sex anywhere. That
I am constant to Sara. I have no terrors of sex or sexual conduct.
Only pleasure and beauty are contained in it. That I may please myself
with the act or be pleased with sexual things. That the sexual matters
taught me by Flavia do not apply. My chastity lies in loving Sara.
(a1) That I will not forget these things but will enjoin them with all
related ideas as more powerful than any other ideas in my head.
(b1) That all ideas to destroy myself are false, for I love life and I
am a free and exuberant spirit in it.
(c1) That I cannot associate any of my lacking libido with Sara. The
blame lies elsewhere. Sara has enormous powers to thrill me. Hormones
and fears, now gone, were at fault.
(d1) Sexually I am as I was at 16, without any of the fears, with all
of the powers, with all the knowledge I now possess turned to
wonderful things.
(d1) That I see and hear Raon clearly.
(e) That anything which impedes my zest for living is small and puny
and will dwindle before the power of these statements. That nothing in
me which is evil can have heard these statements and commands without
disappearing.
(f1) That I am not bad to look upon. That my posture is straight and
excellent. That Sara likes my looks.
(g1) That my endurance in any climate is wonderful and any "fact"
otherwise is completely false.
(h1) That I am not susceptible to colds.
(i1) That I believe in myself and am poised and dignified whenever I
wish to be.
(j1) That I am not worn out in any way and never will be. That life is
ever new, that I am strong.
(k1) That Sara is always beautiful to me.
(l1) That these words and commands are like fire and will sear
themselves into every corner of my being, making me happy and well and
confident forever!
Note Much of the above may seem cryptic but if paraphrased as
rendered will be enormously effective.
Course II.
You are asleep. You are not accountable for anything you say now. No
one will think any less of you. People want to help you.
In this one lesson you are going to learn several things. The first is
the use of your beautiful new Soundscriber.
The instrument is your aide and companion. It makes it possible for
you to write ten times the stories you did before.
You have no urge to talk about your navy life. You do not like to talk
of it. You never illustrate your point with bogus stories. It is not
necessary for you to lie to be amusing and witty.
You like to have your intimate friends approve of and love you for
what you are. This desire to be loved does not amount to a psychosis,
it is simply there and you enjoy their love.
You can sing beautifully. Your voice can imitate any singer. Your
tones are round and true. You have no superstitions about singing at
any time. Your oratory is magnificent. Your voice tones perfect, your
choice of words marvelous, your logic unassailable.
Your psychology is good. You worked to darken your own children. This
failure, with them, was only apparent. The evident lack of
effectiveness was "ordered." The same psychology works perfectly on
everyone else. You use it with great confidence.
Nothing can intervene between you and your Guardian. She cannot be
displaced because she is too powerful. She does not control you. She
advises you. You may or may not take the advice. You are an adept and
have a wonderful and brilliant mind of your own.
Everything great and beautiful that ever happened to you or that you
know is available to your conscious will to remember. You can only
forget by conscious will or at command of your own voice.
You recognize the evil or bad import of things that are evil and bad
for you but their evilness cannot affect you or penetrate through your
glowing and strong aura. You are light and you are good. You have the
Wisdom of all and never doubt your wisdom.
You have magnificent power but you are humble and calm and patient in
that power. For you control all forces under you as you wish. The
strength of your Guardian aids you always and can never depart or be
repelled. Your faith in her and in God is unswerveable, blind,
powerful and you never, never doubt their good intent toward you. They
work with you. You help them exert their plans. They have faith
unbounded in you.
You will never forget these incantations. They are holy and are now
become an integral part of your nature. You enter the greatest phase
yet of work and devotion and power and have perfect control without
further fear.
Men's chains fall from you. Your head is high. Your back is straight.
You can experience no evil or illness. You are wholly protected. You
cannot guide yourself wrong for you are guided as a crown prince.
Material things are yours for the asking. Men are your slaves.
Elemental spirits are your slaves. You are power among powers, light
in the darkness, beauty in all.
You are not sleepy or tired ever. You do not sleep unless you will it
consciously. Sleep to you is a deep trance. Nothing can touch you in
that trance because it would not dare. Your Guardian alone can talk to
you as you sleep but she may not hypnotize you. Only you can hypnotize
yourself.
You never wonder about how you write, you never distrust your ideas or
ability. You merely write and write wonderfully well. You like to copy
your own material and work with it until it is perfect. But it is
usually perfect the first time.
The desires of other people have no hypnotic effect upon you. You are
considerate of their desires because you are powerful. But you need
never be dissuaded by their wishes about anything.
Nothing, no one opposes your writing. Everyone is anxious that you
write. You do not need certain conditions to write. You are so strong
you can write anywhere on anything at any time. You can carry on a
wild social life and still write one hundred thousand words a month or
more. Your brain is so fixed that you can write at any time, anywhere.
The mere beginning of writing is sufficient to put you in a happy
mood, any high mood. Writing does not tire you. You said writing was
hard work but that you knew was a lie. You know now it is easy, very
easy. Writing puts you into an ecstatic state of mind almost as high
as intercourse. You love to write. The Navy had no influence upon your
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